Stats tell us that 30-35 % of all divers worldwide are female.

There are more females than males in the world, they have permeated our society and are found absolutely EVERYWHERE.

We see women in cars, find them in bars, in shopping centres and even in strip clubs (albeit not mainly as customers), nowhere is female free.

 

Diving used to be. We used to meet our mates early on a sunny Saturday and with strict instructions to wifey on how to raise the spawn, dinner requirements, and not to chase the dog of the couch, were able to spend a long quiet day diving and relaxing on the beach. We used to get home, beer was offered - ice cold -, and the TV was already on the Northerns/ WP/Vrystaat/ Natal game (this was prior to 1994 – only 4 provinces).Life was beautiful.

 

Then Pink happened.

Pink wetsuits. Pink BC’s. Pink fins. Pink masks and God forbid even Pink weightbelts.

Men can’t see Pink. Pink is not a colour. Men see colours – red, blue, yellow, green –and variations thereof like dark blue or light green. Pink is like light red but not really, and is invisible to real men as it is on the infrared side of red and only vampires can see infra red ( Blue Bulls fans for instance see Pink as light blue…)

Women like Pink; they also like to show other woman that their husbands have more money and thus pink became a boon to the diving industry and men became poor.

The once quiet beaches from Sodwana to Saldanha became a cacophony of screaming children (no one at home to look after them), high pitched voices (mostly saying words like “don’t” and “can’t”’) and hissing cylinders. (O-rings being a foreign concept to all things female).

 

No longer was the trusted Volla and Datsun bakkie enough to get to the beach. She had to go with. With the kids. With the picnic table. With the pink gear. And she had to go right to where the boat launched. Which meant a new expensive 4x4…which meant there was now enough space for Mother in law as well…which meant more noise. Which meant less money. Life is hell.

 

Underwater is the last bastion. It is still quiet there…and pink fades to black the deeper you go. I like black.

 

(BigB’s Fiancée and staff –all female- have no access to Submerge)